Cassandra Phenomenon - Through a glass darkly. It's what I have, what a lot of people have who share their life with an Aspergers Partner.
It's not something I'm proud of having. I mean I'm a psychology person so you'd think I'd know how not to get something like this, but I didn't. It crept up on me whilst I was trying to hold my head above the water, dealing with the day to day problems with Aspergers. Basically we're love/affection/intimacy deprived. Our Aspergers partners can't meet those needs in us like we would expect an N/T partner to. I know in my heart he loves me, he loves me as best he can, but in comparison to the other loves I've had in my life, it's not enough and it's just not visable or consistent. For our Aspie men, they've made a committment, finally won you over, got that peice of paper saying you're always going to be there for them.
So where did the idea of the Cassandra Sydnrome/Phenomenom come from? Not being believed. Effects of differing neuro devt levels on nt asd adult relationships english. Asperger's Syndrome Wives Need Understanding. Stunning Example of Lack of Empathy @ Heartless Aspergers. Autism activists vehemently deny that people close to them suffer significant trauma from their lack of empathy, just as they deny that they lack empathy.
The truth is that spouses, partners, children and siblings of individuals who have social disorders such as Asperger’s Syndrome (AS) and high functioning autism (Hfa) suffer significantly. They are subject to chronic, repetitive psychological trauma within the context of their relationships with persons with AS. This is a normal stress reaction to the ongoing abnormal interactions within these relationships. This stress reaction has been named Ongoing Traumatic Relationship Syndrome (OTRS), AKA Cassandra Phenomenon (CP). Their suffering and trauma should come as no surprise when one considers life with a person who has serious limitations in their ability to engage in reciprocal relationships.
Many complain of emotional exhaustion, which occurs when an individual has exceeded their capacity for emotional stress. Cassandra Syndrome : I My Spouse Or Partner Has Asperger's Syndrome Story. I was an emotional wreck when I met him, I was 25 and divorced with an 18 mo daughter.
He represented the security I longed for. He was the strong silent type, good-looking, the perfect husband. So what if he was a little cold and distant? I figured this was the price of security. Emotional guys are losers, right? The first couple of years were okay. My little fantasy of our perfect family fell apart. So I tried. Have you all heard of Cassandra Syndrome? The stress of being married to him all those years with no one understanding what was going on made me sick, leading to Cassandra's Syndrome: depression, terrible self-esteem, and ultimately, physical disease.
Cassandra and the Aspie: Marriage and Asperger’s Syndrome. I’m trying to finish a post on Russian painting, but it seems stuck.
In the meantime, I wanted to write about this … According to widely-quoted statistics, somewhere between 1 in a 100 and 1 in a 250 people have Asperger’s Syndrome. A recent, as yet unpublished, piece of research at Cambridge University puts the figure at 1 in 58*. Asperger’s Syndrome is sometimes otherwise called “high functioning autism” – those with Asperger’s Syndrome (often called “Aspies”, just as the syndrome is shortened to “Asperger’s”) do not show the same developmental indications as those with full-blown autism and, almost by definition, have an intelligence well above average if measured using the traditional IQ scale.
The vast majority of these people are male. Given all of this, it seems reasonable to assume that a pool of men, all of whom have IQs above, say, 130, will contain a sizeable number of men with Asperger’s syndrome. Not all men and women with Asperger’s will marry. The rest is here. ASPIE STRATEGY: ASPERGER'S AND PARTNERS: THE 98 PERCENTER. Asperger’s and Marriage. Lessons from an Aspergers-NT Marriage As a woman with Asperger’s Syndrome who’s been married to a neurotypical partner for 25 years, I’ve found some surprising benefits to an aspie-NT partnership.
I’ve also encountered some serious challenges. This series summarizes 12 lessons that my husband and I have learned (often the hard way). Hopefully some will be helpful to other couples that have taken on the challenge of making an Aspergers-NT marriage work. Part 1: Introduction, household responsibilities, knowing when to apologize Part 2: Bad days, social skill deficits and touch sensitivity Part 3: Compromise, communication aspie-style and understanding triggers Part 4: Love and acceptance, aspie style. Aspie-NT Marriage - Autism Asperger's Digest Autism Asperger's Digest. She says we “don’t connect”/”have intimacy.”
I have no clue what she means by these wordsI thought she knew my quirks/eccentricities/nuances/differences and accepted them. Now all she brings up is how I need to change and how terrible of a person I amShe says, “Why can’t you do this or that like so and so’s spouse?” I feel nagged/bullied/criticizedI wonder why bother trying, nothing is rightHow can a couple, who seemingly fell for each other based on the other’s Aspie or NT traits, now feel so differently about those same traits? AANE - Asperger Marriage: Viewing Partnerships thru a Different Lens. Asperger Marriage: Viewing Partnerships thru a Different Lens By Grace Myhill, LICSW and Dania Jekel, MSW The excerpts below focus on interventions and suggestions for relationships in which a man with Asperger Syndrome (AS) is partnered with a woman who does not have AS (or a non-AS woman).
The article in its entirety may be found on the AANE website or at NASWMA.org. AANE - Marriage with Asperger’s Syndrome: 14 Practical Strategies. Marriage with Asperger's Syndrome: 14 Practical Strategies By Eva Mendes, M.A., Psychotherapist & Couple's Counselor The excerpts below focus on interventions for relationships in which an individual with Asperger Syndrome (AS) is partnered with a spouse or partner who does not have AS (a neurotypical).
The article in its entirety may be found at www.evmendes.com. The Asperger's Association of New England (AANE) has been offering the Partner/Spouse Support Groups and the Couples' Support Groups for about ten years. Since most of the couples we see consist of a neurotypical woman married to or partnered with a man with AS, in this article I will often speak of "the wife" (understood to be NT) and "the husband" (understood to have AS).
In my groups and couple's counseling sessions, we have observed recurring issues or challenges, and recurring strategies for addressing them, which I am calling here the fourteen practical strategies for facilitating an AS marriage, namely: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. Research studies. The Most Toxic Pattern in Any Relationship. What Everybody Ought to Know About Aspergers and Marriage. How An Asperger Syndrome Diagnosis Saved My Marriage. It was my wife Kristen, a speech therapist who had worked with autistic children, who was most suspicious about my behavior.
After we were married and living together, she started noticing little “things” about me that were consistent with Asperger Syndrome, a mild form of autism: impaired social reasoning; persistent, intense preoccupations with certain interests; unusual rituals and behaviors; and clinical-strength egocentricity.
Oh, and my thumbs look like toes, so I’m, like, a total catch. At that time, things were not going well between us. Though we had been best friends since high school, our relationship had been reduced to little more than delicate coexistence. We were both constantly feeling misunderstood, under-appreciated, and resentful towards each other. We never could have predicted we’d feel that way when we were first starting out together. And Kristen was given a new perspective on who she was married to.