Gordon Brown is happy tae hae you think that he could gie a rat's erse ower Labour's woes... mair than happy... Gordon Brown is sad tae see the party he led at 23% in the polls... Alistair Darling is happy cos the Unionists kept their vow this long, which wis longer than expected... Alistair Darling is happy cos he's got his jaicket an he's heidin fer the door. Cheerie! Jenny Marra is sad cos naebody's quite sure whit she looks like... Gordon Brown ish hic-happy cosh he'sh got a pal, Piers, ye're ma beshtesht pal... Jim Murphy couldnae be happier if he tried...
Johann Lamont is happy cos Asda are threatenin higher prices, an that's really sad... Anas Sarwar is sad cos he wis sure Bute House wid hae a bigger letterbox... Margaret Curran is sad cos she has tae look up tae Ed Miliband... Alistair Darling is sad because he ran out of fingers... Johann Lamont is sad cos naebody's pickin up the phone. George Foulkes is sad that the House of Lords bar has shut... Kezia Dugdale is sad in the Daily Mail... mainly below the line... Ian Davids... Is that Roger Mellie, the man aff the telly? Ruth Davidson isnae sad, she's fff... she's ffff... she's fffff.... Willie Rennie dis a barrie Psychoshower re-enactment...
Andrew Neil is sad cos he's got nae pa... oh no, there's his pal Uri! John Barrowman is sad that he won't actually have a vote...