http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World%27s_funniest_joke
Kids talk Science This page is brought to you by UC Berkeley Parents Network Back to the Jokes & Quotes Collection THE FOLLOWING ARE ALL QUOTES FROM 11 YEAR OLDS' SCIENCE EXAMS: * "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water." * "Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull." * "When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire." * "H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water." * "Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars." * "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire." * "Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas." * "The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity.
Bert Kreischer and His Pranks on Hotel Maids Standup comedian Bert Kreischer is a frequent traveler. He often has to check into hotels during his travels. Being a comedian, Bert has a terrific sense of humor that makes him pull a prank on the hotel maids. Whenever Bert is checking out, he remembers to leave the hotel maid a present. Source: All of these images were tweeted by Bert Kreischer himself.
Incredibly Offensive Jokes Incredibly Offensive Jokes Just... don't read these, okay? If you do read them, don't fucking complain. What do you call a homosexual in a wheelchair? Rolaids. What's the difference between a joke and two dicks? www.cs.columbia.edu/sip/sipit/funeral.txt Dear friends, It is with the saddest heart that I pass on the following. Please join me in remembering a great icon. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly.
It is possible to understand Engineers - Where theres a will, theres a way. Understanding Engineers #1 Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice, The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway." Understanding Engineers #2
Joke639 - A Professional Gambler During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks." The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first." The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. why americans should never be allowed to travel I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?" I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts.
Lost in Translation - Cross-language computer translation "Language is the source of misunderstandings." — Antoine de Saunt-Exupéry in The Little Prince Important: Systran, which for years provided our translation functionality, shut down their service in May. We're now using Google Translate. Unfortunately, the Google Translate API has been officially deprecated as of May 26, 2011. Google's API will be shut off completely on December 1, 2011. Hurricane Recipes! This weekend was a “hurricane”! You remained calm and refused to overreact, right? False, you totally flipped your lid and bought 234 of every non-perishable item at Gristedes. First of all, you should have gone to Food Emporium, and second, what do we do with all this stuff now that the hurricane AND the MTV VMAs are over? Let me Martha Stewart you through some delectable adventures in using up the rest of all your refrigeration-defying snacks.
In Which I Fix My Girlfriend’s Grandparents’ WiFi and Am Hailed as a Conquering Hero. [Originally published January 20, 2012.] Lo, in the twilight days of the second year of the second decade of the third millennium did a great darkness descend over the wireless internet connectivity of the people of 276 Ferndale Street in the North-Central lands of Iowa. For many years, the gentlefolk of these lands basked in a wireless network overflowing with speed and ample internet, flowing like a river into their Compaq Presario. Many happy days did the people spend checking Hotmail and reading USAToday.com. But then one gray morning did Internet Explorer 6 no longer load The Google. Refresh was clicked, again and again, but still did Internet Explorer 6 not load The Google.