background preloader

The Opposite of Addiction is Connection

The Opposite of Addiction is Connection
Right now an exciting new perspective on addiction is emerging. Johann Harri, author of Chasing The Scream, recently captured widespread public interest with his Ted talk Everything You Know About Addiction Is Wrong, where he concluded with this powerful statement: The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. These sentiments are augmented by a growing number of experts, including addiction specialist Dr Gabor Maté, who cites ’emotional loss and trauma’ as the core of addiction. Limbic Resonance If connection is the opposite of addiction, then an examination of the neuroscience of human connection is in order. How does this relate to addiction? “Humans require social connection” How Our Ability To Connect Is Impaired By Trauma Trauma is well-known to cause interruption to healthy neural wiring, in both the developing and mature brain. Social Solutions To Addiction The solution to the problem of addiction on a societal level is both simple and fairly easy to implement. The Roots Of Healing Related:  Need to Organize

36 Questions To Help You Fall In Love With Anyone Asking thirty-six specific questions plus four minutes of sustained eye contact is a recipe for falling in love, or at least creating intimacy among complete strangers. Creating a close rapport between people who have just met is difficult, especially in laboratory conditions. But psychologist Arthur Aaron of Stony Brook University created a method for doing just this. After finding Dr. Set I 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. Though not complete strangers, they were not on intimate terms either. "[T]he real crux of the moment was not just that I was really seeing someone, but that I was seeing someone really seeing me. That unexpected state was one of bravery and wonder, transcending the barriers and boundaries erected in day-to-day adult life. Love, she says, is more of a choice than we allow ourselves to believe. Set II 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. Set III 25. 26. 27. 28. 29. 30. 31. 32. 33. 34. 35. 36. Read more at the New York Times Photo credit: Shutterstock

Resolving The Intimacy-Desire Paradox: Is More Intimacy Better? Many couples fail to maintain sexual desire in their long-term relationships. Two people who once could not keep their hands off each other gradually lose interest in having sex, at least with their current partner. What distinguishes couples who experience passionate long-term relationships from those who fail to sustain the passion? Are there effective strategies to prevent against the waning of sexual desire in long-term relationships? A study1 published recently in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology seeks to answer those questions. Indeed, some scholars have noted the intimacy-desire paradox, which indicates that high levels of intimacy may inhibit rather than increase sexual desire. The findings of this new research show that a partner’s responsiveness outside the bedroom does in fact contribute to the desire to have sex with this partner, and help explain why women's desire is more strongly affected by their partner's responsiveness than men's desire. 1Birnbaum, G.

What is Presence? - Psychosexual Somatics January 9, 2017 What is Presence? You hear it a lot in various new age, conscious sexuality or therapy worlds – it’s all about Presence. A woman wants her man to be Present. It’s by being Present that we allow the magic, and so on and so on. Own Your Space When I really allow myself to take up space in the world, when I feel sufficiently safe in the world to stand my ground, when I can really allow myself become king (or queen) over the dominion of the physical space that I occupy in the world, knowing that no-one can dislodge me from that inner embodiment, this is the staring point of Presence for me. To practice this, you can stand with your feet about shoulder width apart, begin to feel yourself planted in the ground, rooted to the earth. Groundedness The second quality is groundedness. Connection to Self If we visualise the grounding exercise as a vertical axis, connection is the horizontal axis. Presence is about being Present with one’s self.

What's Sex Got To Do With Mindfulness? If mindfulness can make us happier, healthier, and more compassionate (that is, if the raft of current scientific research is to be believed), what can that same moment-to-moment awareness do for our sex lives? Imagine the possibilities. On the face of it, having enjoyable, loving sex seems like the last thing we might be inclined to tune out. But we all know the kind of mind-wandering that can strike even in the midst of great pleasures. From a mental replay of the staff meeting earlier in the day to obsessing about the final luscious peak of the sex you’re having in that very moment, in lovemaking, as in life, tuning out is a part of being human that’s very difficult to turn off. That’s where mindfulness comes in. But before we go there, let’s admit: sex is tricky to talk about. It’s challenging because our sexuality is such an essential part of who we are. But get two people sharing some intimate space and toss in a little attraction, and “guide” doesn’t exactly cover it.

Do Women Want To Be Ravished? Do Women Want To Be Ravished? As a psychologist and couples counselor, I’ve been asked this question by men, women and couples for the last twenty plus years. Especially since the publication of “50 Shades of Grey” and the upcoming movie version, it’s an even more pressing question for many. Now Anne Rice’s B&D “Sleeping Beauty” trilogy is rumored to become a movie or mini-series as well. My specialty is helping couples bring back the passion in their relationship and using fantasy is one way of achieving this. Of course, women don’t want to be raped, this is an act of violence and power, not one of love. So what’s the truth here, at least from a psychological perspective? However, this initial chemistry fades over time and we need to take steps to reignite it! Polarity comes from strong masculine energy meeting strong feminine energy. From an evolutionary psychology perspective, women want to know that their man can take care of them, can “hold” them, both emotionally AND physically.

8 Ways To Get Turned On And Be More In The Moment During Sex — Without Forcing Anything We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist based in San Francisco, to help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off-limits, and all questions will remain anonymous. Please send your sex and relationship inquiries to tips@bustle.com. Now, on to today’s topic: how to feel more turned on during sex. Q: I’d love some tips on how to get aroused and stay aroused during sex. A: Thanks for your question! 1. You said in your message that you almost always say yes to sex when your boyfriend initiates, even if you’re not in the mood. Maintenance sex can be part of a healthy relationship, but you should feel comfortable turning down sex if you’re not in the mood (and your boyfriend should be respectful of your decision). 2.

10 Erotic New Year's Resolutions For Those Bored With Sex | The Huffington Post There is nothing more boring than people complaining about sexual boredom. That is so ordinary, lackluster and, quite frankly, rather lazy. When we decide to actively nurture our sexuality, we are taking a stand for living a vibrant and pleasure filled life. When you choose to give time to your eroticism you are giving time to living a bigger, more abundant and more self-fulfilled life. It’s hard to wrap our heads around this idea that sex requires the same kind of willful intent that a great diet plan or financial management program does. Sometimes, we have to move obstacles and even spend our resources on sex. 10 Erotic Resolutions For 2017 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. Make 2017 your year to take a “Sex Safari.” Earlier on Huff/Post50: Liam Neeson His hot accent was enough to make us swoon before, but now that Neeson has taken on more action roles, we’re in love. Getty

7 ways to put the sexual spark back in your relationship It happens to the best of couples. In the beginning, the two of you can’t keep your hands off each other. But over time, especially when life gets tough, that sexy spark can fizzle. Getty Images stock Experts say there are ways to get the spark back, but first we need to "ditch the myth" that sex should always be spontaneous and easy. The signs that a couple is in a sexual rut can vary, according to Amy Levine, a New York City-based sex coach and the founder of Ignite Your Pleasure, but some common ones include: Sex is happening infrequently — or not at all.Sex has become routine.Only one partner seems to be initiating sex — and that partner is often rejected. Sometimes partners get to the point where they just don't see each other sexually, said Dr. apply | reset x font Let's talk about sex (after 50) Play Video - 4:15 Another sign ? Typically, desire and passion are at their highest at the beginning of a relationship. RELATED: What two words are the secret to a happy marriage? 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

In this day and age, why do we insist that "sex" still has to be penetrative? During a drunken conversation with a friend recently, she asked how many people I had slept with. I opened my mouth, about to divulge, when she chimed in again: "I mean full sex only. Other stuff doesn't count." "Wait a second," I said. "Well, of course THAT counts," she scoffed. I thought back to the five years I'd spent with my ex-boyfriend, and the handful of times in that period that we'd been able to have penetrative sex due to my vaginismus. I thought about the strangers who came after, the ones I felt nothing for, the messes of sweat, the unsatisfying endings, the text messages that went unanswered. At my religious high school, we often gossiped behind locker doors about who was and wasn't a virgin in our grade. In her book The Purity Myth, feminist writer Jessica Valenti argues that the concept of virginity revolves around society acting as the arbitrary gatekeeper to women's bodies and moral goodness. I have had unsatisfying penetrative sex and wonderful penetrative sex.

The Real Reason so many long-term Relationships fail Sexually. get elephant's newsletter A couple comes into my office seeking better sex. After we make the tea and settle into chairs, the man, often with a pained and baffled expression, inevitably says, “Ever since we had kids…” His wife shifts anxiously in her chair next to him. Because she knows the end of her sentence: “Ever since we had kids… she doesn’t want to have sex with me anymore.” I understand because I am a mom. I have experienced the post-baby libido meltdown when my sex life crumbled. It was this meltdown that inspired me to leave my job as a content writer for a start up in San Francisco and instead focus on teaching about sex. When a couple comes to see me, usually one of them is eager to find a solution to their problem and “fix it,” while the other has quietly resigned themselves to the sexless life of babydom, chalking up her lack of libido to hormones, stress, or the inevitable decline caused by familiarity. Happily, none of these are the real source of the problem. 1. 2. 3. 4.

The F-Word Blog This is a guest blog by Mercedes King-Jones. She is a Divorce Lawyer and Partner with Wright Hassall LLP There was a certain irony that the Appeal Court hearing into Tini Owens’ divorce case was scheduled for 14 February 2017. The subsequent judgment attracted acres of newsprint, with much criticism being erroneously directed at the judges for the outcome of the case. In a nutshell, Mrs Owens’ desire to divorce her husband was thwarted by his decision to defend the petition. The nub of the matter, acknowledged by both Judge Tolson in the Family Court and Lord Justice Munby in the Appeal Court, is the requirement for someone who wishes to get divorced to cite one of five reasons: adultery, desertion, unreasonable behaviour, two years’ separation with consent of both parties, or five years’ separation without consent. Mrs Owens filed for divorce in May 2015. Image depicts two wedding rings Courtesy Robert Cheaib on Flickr Laura Cooke is a journalist from the south of England Empowered?

10 Awesome Tools To Make Infographics Advertisement Who can resist a colourful, thoughtful venn diagram anyway? In terms of blogging success, infographics are far more likely to be shared than your average blog post. This means more eyeballs on your important information, more people rallying for your cause, more backlinks and more visits to your blog. In short, a quality infographic done well could be what your blog needs right now. Designing An Infographic Some great tips for designing infographics: Keep it simple! Ideas for infographic formats include: Timelines;Flow charts;Annotated maps;Graphs;Venn diagrams;Size comparisons;Showing familiar objects or similar size or value. Here are some great tutorials on infographic creation: Creating Your Infographic Plan and research.If required, use free software to create simple graphs and visualisations of data.Use vector graphic software to bring these visualisations into the one graphic. Free Online Tools For Creating Infographics Stat Planet Hohli Creately New York Times Many Eyes Wordle

Cool Infographics - Blog 20 Examples Of Infographs That You Don’t See Every Day | I think we all know what an infograph is, and nowadays they are increasingly popular. The bad thing is that almost all of them are becoming boring and very similar. In this article I have collected 20 infographs that are very unique design and also interesting subjects. Twitter Dots: Mapping all Tweets for a specific Keyword Twitter Dots translates individual tweets as simple dots on a geographical world map. Mapping Android Activations Worldwide In the war for the next smartphone platform, all weapons are allowed, including some good old mapping captured in a 1080p HD video. Visualizing the Airspace in Europe Transport visualization firm Ito World has taken flight routes drawings to the next level, in particular by adding a detailed level of information in terms of the exact travel altitudes of the tracked airplanes. Poverty Infographic A two poster series exploring the effect poverty has on education. 9 Years of Sleep Visualizing a Security Attack on a VOIP Honeypot Server Ghost Counties

Related: