Immortality blows (fiction) Man, I wish I'd never found that goddamn lamp. Stupid fucking genie. I just had to blurt it out, didn't I? "I wish I were immortal!" Half the time they can't even make you immortal, but Sim Allah Bim of the Seven Winds just snapped his fingers and said "It is done." Oh, it was awesome for a while. Mankind did some really amazing shit over the next couple hundred million years. But then they started evolving. But it seemed to keep getting hotter. Then there was this galaxy that was fucking huge in the sky. Now, the sun exploding itself was an even cooler sight than all those extra stars. So I waited. But then the damnedest thing happened. Now let me tell you, I thought it was cold on solid ground with no sun, but that was nothing. I landed on planets or even in stars from time to time. But eventually I drifted out of the galaxy altogether. About the time the last galaxies were going out, I started to feel like I was going faster. This went on for a long fucking time. SciFiQuest 2107
Short but tricky management ability test The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and tells whether you are qualified to be a “manager.” The questions are not that difficult. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? According to Andersen Consulting World wide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong. A.S.B. • Who doesn't like a blonde joke? A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
Women! It's your job to prepare for your rape! : Pharyngula Kansas representative Pete DeGraaf is fighting for a bill that would exclude abortion coverage in cases of rape. He thinks the state should stay out of that problem, and it should just be something that women “plan ahead for”: Bollier asked him, “And so women need to plan ahead for issues that they have no control over with pregnancy?” DeGraaf drew groans of protest from some House members when he responded, “I have a spare tire on my car.” You heard the man, ladies. By the way, the compassionate Pete DeGraaf is also an associate pastor. The Origins of Electricity, Tesla vs. Edison More Infographics on Good 15 Unintentionally Perverted Toys for Children Toys are carefully planned investments that companies spend countless hours developing in the hopes that children will use them to foster memories that they'll cherish for a lifetime. But sometimes, they just end up looking like dongs. Punisher Shape Shifters Crotch Rocket Wait, seriously? The video is also disturbing. Man, this is not a good start. To be fair, this was part of a "Shape Shifter" line of toys--basically a Punisher transformer--and we're catching him in mid-transformation (we're assuming Frank Castle's transforming capabilities aren't canon). OK, that's just...that's just horrible. So, for the second time we have to ask if the people designing products for children are just amazingly naive, or if they're a bunch of giggling stoners seeing what they can get past the marketing team. The Fr-ooze Pop was marketed to kids in Singapore using a voice that repeatedly says, "lick it, suck it." If so, then what's our excuse for... Ah, that doesn't look too bad. "I'm Mr. I'm Mr.
Man trapped in coma for 23 years was conscious for entire time // Current To Our Faithful Current.com Users: Current's run has ended after eight exciting years on air and online. The Current TV staff has appreciated your interest, support, participation and unflagging loyalty over the years. Your contributions helped make Current.com a vibrant place for discussing thousands of interesting stories, and your continued viewership motivated us to keep innovating and find new ways to reflect the voice of the people. We now welcome the on-air and digital presence of Al Jazeera America, a new news network committed to reporting on and investigating real stories affecting the lives of everyday Americans in every corner of the country. Thank you for inspiring and challenging us. – The Current TV Staff
Pope Joke The Pope had just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could drive for awhile. Well, the chauffeur didn't have much of a choice, so he climbs in the back of the limo and the Pope takes the wheel. The Pope proceeds onto HWY 95, and starts accelerating to see what the limo could do. He pulls over and the trooper comes to his window. The trooper calls in and asks for the chief. "It's not Ted Kennedy again is it?" "No Sir!" "Is it the Governor?" "No! "Is it the PRESIDENT??? "Well WHO IN THE HECK is it?" "I don't know Sir." replies the trooper, "but he's got the Pope as his chauffeur."
ONCE UPON A TIME a prince asked a beautiful... - Memerial.net The OSTRICH Story A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich. The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual asks the waitress?" "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man. "Same," says the ostrich. Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62." Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?" found an old lamp. me two wishes. would always be there."
3 Experiments You Can Do At Home that PROVE THE EARTH IS FLAT! We know the Earth is flat because the Bible tells us so. But for those of you skeptical, close-minded types that flat out refuse to accept the overwhelming Biblical evidence, I have designed some experiments you can do at home that will show you, before your very eyes, that the world is indeed flat, and not spherical as some crazy scientists proclaim. It's amazing how many people blindly believe in a spherical Earth, without ever having seen it for themselves! I intend to change that. 1) Jump! If you were to stand in the flat bed of a truck going 75 mph, and jump straight up, what would happen? 2) Blow! This can be disproved very simply. That's right. 3) Get High! If the Earth was a sphere, it would not matter how high you went, you would still see the same thing. These experiments are all confirmed by creation scientists as being 100% accurate. Yours in Christ, Rev.
Birth Control is Sinful in the Christian Marriages and also Robbing God of Priesthood Children!! (9781425992606): Eliyzabeth Yanne Strong-Anderson Letter to the IRS This page is brought to you by UC Berkeley Parents Network Back to the Jokes & Quotes Collection This is purported to be a real letter submitted to the IRS in the midst of last year's weird and bizarre denial of dependents, exemptions, and credits. The letter speaks for itself. ---------------------------------------- Dear Sirs: I am responding to your letter denying the deduction for two of the three dependents I claimed on my 1994 Federal Tax return. The opinions and statements expressed on this page are those of parents who belong to the UC Berkeley Parents Network and should not be taken as a position of or endorsement by the University of California, Berkeley.
British MI6 Replaces al-Qaeda Bomb Recipe with Cupcakes | World By Alex JohnstonEpoch Times Staff Created: June 3, 2011 Last Updated: June 6, 2011 A baker frosts a cupcake April 19, 2011 in New York City. (Spencer Platt/Getty Images) British MI6 intelligence officers hacked into the Islamic extremist website and magazine, Inspire, and replaced bomb-making instructions with a recipe on how to make cupcakes, media reports said on Friday. The incident marks the first time that foreign agents were able to breach and alter the website, which is reported to be linked with al-Qaeda on the Arabian Peninsula (AQAP). The magazine's original page entitled “Make a Bomb in the Kitchen of Your Mom,” was corrupted, reported The Associated Press. “We're increasingly using cybertools as part of our work,” a U.K. foreign official told AP. When a user attempts to download the PDF of the quarterly magazine page on how to make the bomb, they are redirected to scrambled computer code, reported The Daily Telegraph.