One Day, One Deal™ 2nd place in Derby #202: Anthropomorphic Food, with 912 votes! It’s a simple equation, people. But apparently 68% of you can’t figure it out. So let’s try again from the top. E=mc², where E is your fat butt, M is the amount of calories you’re taking in, and C is the square root of the hours you spend in front of a screen of some kind. Mmmkay? “Mr. Yes, Franklin. “I don’t appreciate you perpetuating unattainable body image ideals onto me. Franklin, you misunderstand. “But I don’t think a diet is a high quality of life for me personally.” You’re probably thinking of fad diets like Atkins or some other similar nonsense. “But Mr. YES, Franklin? “I don’t care.” You don’t care about what? “About living longer and feeling ‘better,’ whatever that means. So attempting to help you lead a healthier, longer-lasting life makes me a godless Socialist? “Yep.” Do you even know what that word means? “I know that the people on TV say it’s bad.” Wear this shirt: While recording your thoughts for posterity.
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