6 Socially Conscious Actions That Only Look Like They Help There are those who want to improve the world around us and who do so in intelligent, well-thought-out ways. Then there are those of us whose desire to help the environment is mostly based on being bored or shallow or wanting to fit in after we get lost in Whole Foods. Unfortunately, most of humanity is made up of the latter type. Rescuing Oil-Covered Birds The Idea Imagine an oil spill, and chances are the first thing you'll think of is an oil-covered bird helplessly flapping its wings. "Hold on, rocks. How We Half-Ass It Although it seems like something that can be done with a net, a bottle of shampoo and some dead fish, bird capture is really a job that should be reserved for the experts. "The Monday Margarita Breakfast is great for morale but hard on the wildlife." Volunteering Overseas So, lately your yearly vacations to the International Cheese Rolling Festival have left you feeling unfulfilled. This isn't a new trend among rich white people, either. So what? "Ooh!
5 Terrible Situations for the Socially Awkward Man You probably know how to function in society. You know how to talk to new people, how to order food in restaurants, and you know exactly what time you're supposed to show up at parties. I'm here to let you know that there's an entirely separate class of people that doesn't know all of those things. They show up too early to things, they disappointingly eat full meals they never ordered because they're too afraid to tell the waiter to send it back, and they have no idea how to shake hands with black people. They are socially awkward, they are everywhere, and these are their nightmares. Massages are probably really great. Getting a massage means being mostly naked while getting intensely rubbed by a complete stranger while something shitty, probably Enya, plays in the background. "Look, your head is full-on inside her vagina, there's no way this is against the rules, I'm gonna stop by and say Hi." And that will never make sense to you. Standing Next to Someone at a Urinal *You feel cold.
6 Books Everyone (Including Your English Teacher) Got Wrong #3. Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland Anybody who grew up in the 1960s (and still remembers anything about it) can tell you what Lewis Carroll's classic children's book was really all about: A girl takes a "trip" down the rabbit hole and finds herself in a surreal world where animals start talking to her. We didn't really need Jefferson Airplane to clarify it; Alice in Wonderland is the Fear and Loathing of fairy tales. What it's really about: Lewis Carroll was the pen name of the very conservative Reverend Charles Lutwidge Dodgson, Anglican deacon and professor of mathematics. All the weird drug-trippy stuff that's been misinterpreted since Woodstock is, we're sorry to say, really just an elaborate satire of modern mathematics. What incensed Dodgson was that math no longer had any real-world grounding. Dodgson to new mathematics: "Get the hell off my lawn." #2. Jack Kerouac is responsible for every last one of them. Crazy, baby. And worse taste in fashion. #1.
The 5 Strangest Things Evolution Left in Your Body If you don't believe in evolution, you have to spend a lot of time wondering about the useless shit the creator threw into our bodies. Why don't our wisdom teeth fit in our heads? Why do we need an appendix? The answer is that evolution is a sloppy and haphazard process. There is a little girl standing behind you with dark, sunken eyes and a deadpan expression. Did you feel that slight tingling sensation on the back of your neck? But mostly when scared and 11. They can also appear when we feel sexually aroused or when we feel in awe of something, like listening to a moving piece of music, or if you're the type, watching monster trucks smash smaller cars (to each his own). But Why? Ever see the fur on the back of a scared or angry animal suddenly stand straight up? It's that. Like this. There is really no reason to have this reaction anymore as it's of no use to us. Goosebumps raise the hairs on an animals for two main reasons. Above: not bear-food. For... um, warmth. We warned you.
7 Species That Get High More Than We Do Almost everyone loves drugs. Whether it's a cigarette break after a high-powered business meeting, a cold beer after a hot day on the job or a half-ounce of heroin injected directly into the scrotum to ease the stress of writing Internet comedy, people love their intoxicants. But that's not a human invention. Experts have found that animals also seek out a quick chemical high from plants, bugs and, well, wherever they can find it. Here are seven animals that love the magic of intoxication even more than we do. Elephants Are Angry Drunks Drug of Choice: Liquor and opiates. Throughout history, elephants have been worshiped as gods, lauded for their wisdom and memory, and made into mascots for the Republican Party. Seriously. In October of 2007, six young elephants charged into an Indian village, broke into their beer supply, got drunk, uprooted an electrical pole and died horribly. No, we're not making that up. How Common Is It? Horses Love the Locoweed But it does make them look cool. Not very.
5 Reasons Pro Wrestlers are the Best Actors in the World Keep Acting, Even After Being Fired! Keeping up the kayfabe illusion with fans takes multiple layers of fiction and reality, Inception-style. So you get the practice known as a "worked shoot." This is when it appears that the wrestler has broken out of the script and everyone acts like he's broken the sacred code of kayfabe, when in reality even that was scripted. So you wind up with some truly ridiculous, convoluted stories like this one: At the height of its popularity, there were several competing wrestling organizations. That's Pillman, and I will provide no context for that picture. In 1996, it was decided that they were going to stage a fake firing of his character. The story goes that Pillman suggested that the firing would be more believable to the public if they released an actual termination document. The next day, he was working for the competing ECW, and later the WWE. The face of one cruel, ruthless, badass ... businessman? Someone Dies in the Ring?
6 Scientific Reasons Your Girlfriend's Father Hates You The good news is that you've found a girl worth going through the trouble of meeting her parents. The bad news is that no matter how hard you try, her dad would just as soon kick you in the throat than welcome you into his family. The other bad news is that there's nothing you can do about it, because the universe is working to make sure the old man hates you forever. Here's why: And it's not because of your overindulgence of Axe body spray, either. The dogs aren't just fooling around for the fun of it, hormone secretions are prompting them to behave this way. At least dogs have the decency to be open about it. Why You Can't Win You are getting your odor cooties all over his baby girl, and now he hates you for it. "I'm gonna cut you like a side'a ham, boy." And hates her, subconsciously. Maybe it was the smell of freesia laced with baby powder, who knows? We see a loving couple. At least you're not marking her by simply pissing on her, right? You are his Fail Mirror You can't buy youth.
5 Pro-Marijuana Arguments That Aren't Helping Alcohol and Tobacco are Worse, and They're Legal! Yep, booze and cigarettes are pretty fucking bad for you. Deadly, even, if they're abused. Hell, I had a doctor tell me straight up that if I didn't quit drinking entirely, I'd be dead within the next five years. In fact, here's a not-at-all-retarded rebuttal from a legalization advocate in response to a "Foundation for a Drug-Free World" pamphlet that claims pot is more dangerous than alcohol. Photos.comI know, hon. But here's the thing about that entire debate: It doesn't fucking matter. Throwing out death tolls from tobacco smoke, drunk driving and liver disease makes perfect sense as an argument for making those things illegal. Photos.com"I want to shoot you so bad, my dick is hard." If the argument is that pot is the safer choice, then by that rationale, it's also safer than deep-throating a cactus or mouth-fucking a rattlesnake. GettyThis woman is no longer alive because my brother smoked her. GettyOpium. What's that mean?
6 Mind-Blowing Discoveries Made Using Google Earth Since Google Earth hit the Web in 2005, besides instantly turning all office desk globes into decorative accessories, it has opened the world up to global exploration at the click of a mouse. But it's not just a neat toy; some extraordinary things have been discovered with its one-click access to satellite imagery. Things like ... The Real-World Land of the Lost Getty From the non-PVP-enabled safety of their computers, British researchers were using Google Earth to look around Africa when they noticed a patch of forest on and around Mozambique's Mount Mabu that they didn't know was there. anewsblog2008 It turns out that mountainous terrain and civil war had protected the region from the notoriously machine gun and mountain climbing averse scientific community. Julian Bayless If movies have taught us anything, they're all about to be murdered by gorillas. Wikipedia CommonsThat may not look like much to you, but all the mistletoe botanists out there just soiled themselves. impactlab.net
8 Tiny Things That Stopped Suicides A "Just Because" Phone Call Hulk Hogan is probably the last person you would imagine trying to kill himself, since he is basically a cartoon character. It would be like finding out Bugs Bunny had depression. From Steven SalvatoreProbably after seeing the most recent attempts to "reboot" him. But after his son got into a terrible car accident while his marriage was falling apart, the Hulkster decided he had enough, and holed up in his home with pills, booze and a gun. GettyAnd you PICK UP when Laila Ali calls. Muhammad Ali's daughter was calling him because they were friends, from co-starring on American Gladiators, and she just wanted to see how he was doing because he had seemed sad on the set. Hogan was just sitting in his empty house all alone, having lost his wife, not knowing if he was going to lose his son, and facing a future with nobody in his life except Brooke Hogan. GettyIf you can't get a hold of her, maybe ask T.I. to go over and talk to them. Blizzard Customer Support
Invention produces sound at the ear instead of at the speaker. by docein Apr 3