E-mails from an Asshole Original ad: I WANT YOUR COUCH IF ANYONE HAS AN UNWANTED COUCH I CAN COME GET IT. WILL TRAVEL UP TO 20 MINUTES FROM CONSHOHOCKEN. PLEASE SEND PICTURES. From Me to **********@*********.org: Hi there! Mike From Juan ********* to Me: From Me to Juan *********: Juan, The couch can seat three normal people, or two fat people. I am getting rid of the couch because my grandfather passed away on it a few weeks ago. The couch is still in very good condition. Why not? Don't put words in my mouth. I did forget to mention, I believe my grandfather defecated on the couch when he died (the paramedics say it happens all the time.) And this probably isn't a big deal, but he also had a cigar in his mouth and when he died it set part of the couch on fire. Why would you waste my time if you weren't going to take the couch? Would you be interested in the grill I am selling then?
Philosophical Quotes, Thought-Provoking Sayings Related Quotes Hmmm Philosophy Truth Wise Words We are more often treacherous through weakness than through calculation. ~François VI de la Rochefoucault A man with one watch knows what time it is; a man with two watches is never quite sure. ~Lee Segall Begin at the beginning... and go on till you come to the end: then stop. Believe those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it. Beware lest you lose the substance by grasping at the shadow. Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying. I am a part of all that I have met. There's more to the truth than just the facts. The obscure we see eventually. Even a clock that does not work is right twice a day. Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth. If a man who cannot count finds a four-leaf clover, is he lucky? We are all but recent leaves on the same old tree of life and if this life has adapted itself to new functions and conditions, it uses the same old basic principles over and over again. You are the sky.
How to Suck at Facebook All artwork and content on this site is Copyright © 2015 Matthew Inman. Please don't steal. TheOatmeal.com was lovingly built using CakePHP All artwork and content on this site is Copyright © 2015 Matthew Inman. TheOatmeal.com was lovingly built using CakePHP Mr. Fix It Man Strikes Again (17 Pics) Looking for more about [term]? For More Funny Fixes, click HERE Top
How Projects Really Work (version 1.0) created on 2006-07-24 How Projects Really Work (version 1.0). The Original. How the customer explained it How the project leader understood it How the analyst designed it How the programmer wrote it How the business consultant described it How the project was documented What operations installed How the customer was billed How it was supported What the customer really needed Sixteen Things Calvin and Hobbes Said Better Than Anyone Else To paraphrase E.B. White, the perfect sentence is one from which nothing can be added or removed. Every word plays its part. In my more giddy moments I think that a simple comic strip featuring Calvin, a preternaturally bright six year-old, and Hobbes, his imaginary tiger friend, features some of the most lucid sentences committed to print. And when I sober up, I usually think exactly the same. Bill Watterson’s Calvin and Hobbes ran between 1985 and 1995. So here, in no particular order, is a selection of quotes that nail everything from the meaning of life to special underwear. (NOTE: Check out Part II: Sixteen MORE Things Calvin and Hobbes Said Better Than Anyone Else) On life’s constant little limitations Calvin: You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don’t help. On expectations Calvin: Everybody seeks happiness! On why we are scared of the dark Calvin: I think night time is dark so you can imagine your fears with less distraction. On the tragedy of hipsters
Oh, So That’s What That Really Means (13 Pics) November 7, 2011 | 44 Comments » | Topics: LOL, Pics (via) Hot Stories From Around The Web Other Awesome Stories My collection of funny emails from my inbox. Subject: 5 MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE Lesson 1: A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. "Great!" Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure. Lesson 2: A priest offered a Nun a lift. The priest removed his hand. Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. Lesson 3: "Me first! "Me next! Lesson 4: Lesson 5: Lesson 6:
Top 50 Mistakes Women Make While Having Sex (Infographic) Jay Holzberg is the president and CEO of New York Pudding and a contributing author to The Campus Socialite. Sexual skill is something most often tasked to and expected of men, but sexual fulfillment is a two way street. Truly great sex requires skill and effort on the part of both partners, not just one. The following is an infographic meant to profile some of the most common mistakes that women make while having sex with men. Created By TheirToys.com Sex Toys More Posts You May Like: The 20 Hottest Photos Of Shay Maria…(Heavy) What To Talk About with Girls…(TSB Mag) Top 3 Signs She’s Playing You…(Mankind Unplugged) What If Dr. Charlie Sheen is Winning (Video Montage)…(H-Spot) Gravestones Intended to Make You Laugh.
Seven great writing quotes from seven great American writers Ernest Hemingway once said “All American literature comes from one book by Mark Twain called Huckleberry Finn. There was nothing before. There has been nothing as good since.” As much as we love our Ernest, we beg to differ. John Steinbeck Ernest Hemingway Elmore Leonard Toni Morrison Stephen King Henry Miller F. designed by the awesomely talented Chris Ritter ARE YOU A REAL PILOT? from Joe Burton An old Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flight suit and leather jacket and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?' He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans... flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars. She said, 'I'm a lesbian. The two sat sipping in silence. A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked: "are you a real pilot?" He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'
Ernest Hemingway’s Top 9 Words of Wisdom “The world is a fine place and worth the fighting for and I hate very much to leave it.” As you probably know Ernest Hemingway was a writer, journalist and Nobel Prize Winner. Some of his most famous stories include “The Old Man and The Sea” and “The Sun Also Rises”. Now, here are 9 of my favourite words of wisdom from Ernest Hemingway. 1. “I like to listen. Learning to really listen to someone rather just waiting for our turn to talk can be a difficult skill to develop. How can you become a better listener? Forget about yourself. Also, if you really listen then that alone will often provide you naturally with a better and more genuine answer than the clever response thought up while trying to listen simultaneously. 2. “The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” The thing is if two people or more are waiting for someone else to take the first step then that step may never be taken. By not taking the first step you’ll perhaps never know. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9.