If World War I Was a Bar Fight

Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria’s pint. Austria demands Serbia buy it a whole new suit because of the new beer stains on its trouser leg. Germany expresses its support for Austria’s point of view. Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit. Serbia points out that it can’t afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for the cleaning of Austria’s trousers. Russia and Serbia look at Austria. Austria asks Serbia who it’s looking at. Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone. Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in doing so. Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that its sufficiently out of order that Britain not intervene. Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it? Britain and France ask Germany whether it’s looking at Belgium. The End….

Girlfriend 1.0 To: Tech Support Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Pokernight 10.3 and Beerbash 2.5 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to purge Wife 1.0 from my system. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 1.0 but uninstall does not work on this program. See other random stuff Send feedback on this page Go to www.CSPANJunkie.org What Is Globalization? Finally, a definition of globalization that one can understand and to which we now can relate: Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization? Answer: Tragically, Princess Diana’s death. Question: Why? An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whiskey, followed closely by Italian paparazzi on Japanese motorcycles; treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines. This is sent to you by an American, using Bill Gate’s technology and you are probably reading this on your computer, that uses Taiwanese chips and a Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant; transported by Indian lorry-drivers, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen and trucked to you by illegal Mexican workers… And that is what Globalization is. ~ source unknown ~

Decadent Lifestyle Dear blank, please blank. NetAttic How to Suck at Facebook All artwork and content on this site is Copyright © 2015 Matthew Inman. Please don't steal. TheOatmeal.com was lovingly built using CakePHP All artwork and content on this site is Copyright © 2015 Matthew Inman. TheOatmeal.com was lovingly built using CakePHP

Green Living Ideas Why teachers Drink You learn something new every day. Usually, how dumb yet another person is. Why do teachers drink? We drink because we know that we have had some influence in the lives of people like: Michele Bachmann – Click Here for more Donald Trump Charlie Sheen – How the Charlie Sheen drug works – CLICK HERE Why teachers drink These are actual answers to test questions in the classroom! That means this material has been studied for a period of time before the test questions were asked (just so you non-teachers know) One of my favourites: I used to put this on my History tests as a bonus question to help the students get some extra marks. When was the war of 1812? One of my students wrote, ‘That’s not fair, we haven’t studied that yet!’ * Q: Name six animals which live specifically in the Arctic. A: Two polar bears, and Three – sorry not three – Four seals why teachers drink, very funny email forward, funn y test answers Teacher: Who had a worldwide hit with “It’s A Wonderful World”? Student: I don’t know. 1. 2. 3.

Protect yourself from being tracked by Google, Facebook, and others There have been a lot of stories lately about websites trying all sorts of things to keep track of people and invade their privacy. First it was Facebook, and now Google. I protect myself from Facebook tracking me by using a Fluid browser for Facebook. Because I paid the US$5 to register the app, I can use separate cookies from Safari. Here's how I setup Facebook in Fluid. This is how I created the app: Once the app is created, launch it, and separate the cookies from Safari: And then set it so that any link off of Facebook will open in another browser (note: this is the default, you don't have to change anything to get it to do this): Fluid for Google I do a similar thing for Google, but it's actually more restrictive: no JavaScript and no cookies allowed: No JavaScript means no Google instant, which I loathe, no little popup telling you they are changing their privacy policy. You can also change the User Agent which is sent to Google, which can change the format of the results. WARNING!

HOW TO WRITE GOOD Caveat emptor. Carpe diem. O si villi, si ergo, fortibus es in ero. by Frank L. My several years in the word game have learnt me several rules: Avoid alliteration. How Twilight Works All artwork and content on this site is Copyright © 2015 Matthew Inman. Please don't steal. TheOatmeal.com was lovingly built using CakePHP All artwork and content on this site is Copyright © 2015 Matthew Inman. Please don't steal. TheOatmeal.com was lovingly built using CakePHP

Australia Australia is a wonderful, beautiful island continent home to a peaceful, happy, and loving people... that Mother Nature hates so much she can taste stabbing.&&(navigator.userAgent.indexOf('Trident') != Just The Facts Australia is the largest island nation in the world, straddling the border of the Pacific and Indian Ocean. From the Abyss It Is Birthed Back in the 1770s the British Empire discovered Australia and, after finding it generally unfit for human habitation, proceeded to send all of their criminals and generally unwanted peasants there...because basic human empathy was not to be invented until the year 1821. After somehow managing to survive on Monster Island for over a century, it was considered only fair to grant the Australian citizens their freedom and on January 1st, 1901, Australia gained federation of its colonies, and The Commonwealth of Australia was born. Things in Australia that Will Kill You Everything. Ah, but the tropical beaches, you say! Hugh Jackman seems nice.

8 rules for dating my daughter This page is brought to you by UC Berkeley Parents Network Back to the Jokes & Quotes Collection 8 rules for dating my daughter Copyright 1999 W. Bruce Cameron ==> Please do NOT remove the copyright from this essay! <== When I was in high school I used to be terrified of my girlfriend's father, who I believe suspected me of wanting to place my hands on his daughter's chest. He would open the door and immediately affect a good-naturedly murderous expression, holding out a hand that, when gripped, felt like it could squeeze carbon into diamonds. Now, years later, it is my turn to be the dad. The opinions and statements expressed on this page are those of parents who belong to the UC Berkeley Parents Network and should not be taken as a position of or endorsement by the University of California, Berkeley.