Half an hour into the new year and I’m already making self destructive decisions... I’m watching the new Black Mirror... because, y’know, I… Im in a really weird place right now, where i switch between desperately wanting to recover and wanting to be self destructive in any way po… I try to refrain from expecting anything from anybody so I don't get disappointed. I just expect things from myself so if I fail it's on me. Moving forward is scary. I'm always expecting to fail since it's what others expect. I don't know anything of myself differently. I never fail to disappoint myself time and time again by simply expecting that others would walk the same mile for me as I would for them.