Steve Jobs: You’ve got to find what you love (2005) I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world.
I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That’s it. No big deal. The first story is about connecting the dots. I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit.
Steve Jobs Stanford Commencement Speech 2005. Steve Jobs' 2005 Stanford Commencement Address (with intro by President John Hennessy) Conan O’Brien: Know that your mistakes are your own unique way of getting to where you need to be (2000) I’d like to begin by thanking the class marshals for inviting me here today.
The last time I was invited to Harvard it cost me $110,000. So I was reluctant to show up. I’m going to start before I really begin by announcing my one goal this afternoon. I want to be half as funny as tomorrow’s Commencement speaker, moral philosopher and economist Amartya Sen. That’s the job. Students of the Harvard class of 2000, 15 years ago I sat where you sit now. Being here today, on a sincere note, is very special for me. It’s particularly sweet for me to be here today because—this is true—when I graduated I wanted very badly to be a Class Day speaker. “Fellow students, as we sit here today listening to that classic A-ha tune which will definitely stand the test of time, I would like to make several predictions about what the future will hold. Then I had a section on the death of Wall Street, but you don’t need to hear about that.
Conan O'Brien's Harvard Speech [Part 1] Conan O'Brien's Harvard Speech [Part 2] Stephen Colbert: Get your own TV show (2006) Thank you.
Thank you very much. First of all, I’m facing a little bit of a conundrum here. My name is Stephen Colbert, but I actually play someone on television named Stephen Colbert, who looks like me, and who talks like me, but who says things with a straight face he doesn’t mean. And I’m not sure which one of us you invited to speak here today. So, with your indulgence, I’m just going to talk and I’m going to let you figure it out. I wanted to say something about the Umberto Eco quote that was used earlier from The Name of the Rose.
1. Stephen Colbert 2006 Knox Commencement Address. 2. Stephen Colbert 2006 Knox Commencement Address. 3. Stephen Colbert 2006 Knox Commencement Address. Amy Poehler: You Can’t Do It Alone (2011) Good afternoon thank you for that beautiful award and for giving me a symbol of an animal that is one its way to extinction.
I will find a prominent place in my garbage for that later on tonight. thank you very much. Friends Romans Countrymen, lend me your beers. I am honored that you chose me to help you celebrate your graduation today. I can only assume I am here today because of my subtle and layered work in a timeless classic entitled «Deuce Bigelow: Male gigolo». Amy Poehler at Harvard College Class Day. Jon Stewart: Exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum (2004) Thank you Mr.
President, I had forgotten how crushingly dull these ceremonies are. Jon Stewart Commencement Address. David Foster Wallace: The really important kind of freedom involves attention and awareness and discipline (2005) Greetings and congratulations to Kenyon’s graduating class of 2005.
There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says «Morning, boys. How’s the water?» And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes «What the hell is water?» This is a standard requirement of US commencement speeches, the deployment of didactic little parable-ish stories.
The story ["thing"] turns out to be one of the better, less bullshitty conventions of the genre, but if you’re worried that I plan to present myself here as the wise, older fish explaining what water is to you younger fish, please don’t be. Of course the main requirement of speeches like this is that I’m supposed to talk about your liberal arts education’s meaning, to try to explain why the degree you are about to receive has actual human value instead of just a material payoff. This is Water - Part 2. This is Water - Part 1. Stephen Colbert 2011 Commencement Speech at Northwestern University.