http://englishlanguage.pen.io/
Mother-in-law I was happy. My girlfriend and me were dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? The 12 Funniest iPhone Auto-Correct Fails Ah, we’ve all been there: you’re quickly texting on your iPhone to your Mom that you want tacos for dinner and before you realize it, you’ve typed out your secret desire for the 1988 Oakland Raiders to run the train on your dog. How could such a costly mistake happen? It’s the damn auto-correct feature! LEARN ENGLISH This little treatise on the lovely language we share is only for the brave. It was passed on by a linguist, original author unknown. Peruse at your leisure, English lovers.Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn: 1) The bandage was wound around the wound. 2) The farm was used to produce produce. 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
proper englishman Internet shorthand as if written by a proper Englishman I now present the sequel to “Famous movie quotes as if written by a proper Englishman“… hah! Things People Said: Courtroom Quotations The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity. Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"Witness: "I only have one, you know." Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Foreign Signs In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis. In another Japanese hotel room:
How much was a loaf of Brad in 1975 To find the answer, we must first quantify the value of Brad. So how much is a human life worth? According to research by Stanford economists, a year of human life is worth about $129,000. Wolfram Alpha tells us that the average age of a person named Brad is 35 years, and that the average life expectancy for a human male (worldwide) is about 69 years. Assuming that procuring a loaf of Brad involves cutting down a Brad in his prime, we would be depriving him of 34 years of life - a value of $4,386,000. Next we must decide if a "loaf" is a unit of volume, or a unit of weight. Unusual Words - StumbleUpon Unusual Words A by no means exhaustive list of rare, obscure, strange and sometimes funny words and their meanings that only seem to crop up in crosswords and dictionaries. Words that are used so seldom, you wonder who invented them and why. Home ~ The Stories ~ Diversions ~ Links ~ Contact
kids talk science This page is brought to you by UC Berkeley Parents Network Back to the Jokes & Quotes Collection THE FOLLOWING ARE ALL QUOTES FROM 11 YEAR OLDS' SCIENCE EXAMS: * "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water." * "Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull." * "When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire." * "H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water." * "Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars." * "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire." * "Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas." * "The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity.
Water is dangerous This was found on the newsgroup: rec.humor.funny A student at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair, April 26. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical "dihydrogen monoxide." 15 Oxymorons" An oxymoron is a combination of words that contradict each other. Here are some of our favorites. 1. virtual reality 2. original copy 3. old news
The Family Favorite: Troll Dad Remember growing up when your Dad told you that the moon was made out of cheese and pretended to give your dog to the pound after you got a D in History? Turns out that Dads the world over have been trolling their children. And so Troll Dad the rage comic was born: The ultimate minefield, the Girlfriend’s Dad Troll: Construction of an Artificial Nest – Must See People like doing crazy experiments, so i got 1 for you, find it really interesting so thought to show you.. Take a look… In the language of Writer Andrew Deveykin : A couple of months ago I relocated from their ant has already become close to a spacious nest tubes which made himself. Offer to your attention a report on the construction of large and resettlement. Since the relocation of the ants have doubled their numbers.